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Saturday, August 27, 2011

The First Batch of Poems

And yes, if you are reading this, I would love feedback. So if you like them, tell me. If you hate them, I want to hear that too. :)

A Moonlight Meeting
I met you in the moonlight
In a garden made of stone.
Dressed in mourning, drunk on wine
Standing all alone.
Morbid thoughts, they plagued my mind
Until I saw you smile.
How could I stop my sapphire tears?
It had been a lonely while.
It surprised me when you said my name.
Who knew the dead could speak?
Even after all that’s passed
Your presence made me weak.
Assurance that you’ll be just fine
Spilled forth from your form.
But such words only cut me deep;
Since you left I’ve not been warm.
So tell me, love, if you can
How is it that you deal
So well with being far from me
While my heart just won’t heal?
By the time I made my way back home
What peace I had was lost.
It’s so like you to prove a point
No matter what the cost.
The ghosts have grown so dreadful bored
Within these thinning walls.
To me they come to complain at night
When I answer not their calls.
I don’t know what to do for them
Though I can feel their pain
I, too, have learned to hate this place.
I know I’ve gone insane.
The candle burns to wax and tears
Dripping on the floor.
I cannot write, I mustn’t’ think
I can’t be here anymore.
Yet the spirits beg me now to stay
What’s left if I just go?
So I say I’m trapped as sure as they
And life I’ll never know.

The Unworthy One
My etiquette is not so great,
My manners often fail.
I sometimes have the strangest dreams
But I’ve put them up for sale.
I can see it in your mad blue eyes
You’re looking at a thing.
You see an angel before you now
But not her broken wing.
You don’t care to think too much, I guess
About the mess you’re with.
You only laugh when you look around
And find me with a fifth.
Forever you can speak right now
But give it just some time
You’ll regret the day you met me, dear
You’ll block out what made you mine.

We both fulfilled our prophecies
We made when we began.
I said you’d leave me in the end,
You feared you’d lose the plan.
You fucked up and I’m alone,
We are quite the pair!
Self-loathing at its best, I think
But it doesn’t seem so fair.
Both of us have baggage stacked
‘til it could fill a ship.
And neither one is strong enough
To ever get a grip.
What fools we’ve been through all of this.
We could have had the life!
You would have had your other half,
I could have been your wife.
In the end it’s never good enough
I doubt we’ll ever change.
You don’t seem to see the love you break
And I am simply strange.

A dozen roses are sitting at my side.
Your name is on the card.
I wonder if you searched to find me here
Was it all that hard?
Years have passed, my life has changed,
People know my name.
I still live my life alone and free
But only that’s the same.
Those dreams that I once spoke about
While we were up all night
They all came true, I worked so hard
You never saw the fight.
It’s because I knew what I could be
That you left me way back then.
Now you want to meet today for lunch
To ask me how I’ve been?
Thinking on this long and hard
How could this go well?
For years I’ve waited just to hear
That you had gone to hell.
It never came but your message did.
The words don’t worry me as much
As what’s left unsaid in all of this
And the threat of your last touch.
Yet how could I ever send a note
To say that I’ve declined?
I’ve waited long to see the day
You would give up being blind.
So for just tonight I’ll be that girl
Whose heart you stole away.
Just don’t expect any more from me
Come the light of day.

I came to see if it was true
That you’re calling out my name.
In a bed of satin, silk, and lace
You hardly seem the same.
In your eyes I see what was
Your smile’s like the past
With the dawn it will be lost,
It will come to you too fast.
I’ve wondered often as I traveled
Around this crippled land
If I was right to leave you there
In a world made out of sand.
I knew of course the tide would come
And wash it all away.
But I couldn’t seem to make you think
It would never stay that way.
Now I can look right at you, dear
And see you learned it hard.
I’m sorry that you’ve lost your voice
When once you were my bard.
So when you ask me why I bothered
To return to you tonight
I need to hold you while you try to cope
With giving up this fight.
The room is filled up tight, my love
With words we never said.
They drowned out laughter, tears, and pleas
Inside my aching head.
You never want to answer me
The questions that I bring.
You only want to lie and cheat
While handing me a ring.
That simply isn’t good enough
The walls have eyes tonight.
They see the things you’ve done to me,
They see the way we fight.
The windows listen to the final blow
As I storm away.
While the moon lights up the way to go
Since I just cannot stay.
So when you’re sitting in that worn out chair,
The one you held me in,
You can talk to what you’re built around
Your little life of sin.
Maybe they can make you see
By recounting our last breath
That you’re not strong enough to treat me right,
That I scare you to death.
New Orleans and a summer song
Are calling out my name.
They know that since I’ve come back here
I haven’t been the same.
The bourbon and the blues I miss
And sometimes late at night
I think not of sleep but the Rue Royale
And the urge I have to fight.
To pack my bags and fill my tank
God, I miss it so!
I’m still not sure why I came back
Or why I just won’t go.

The melody was haunting
As I guess it should have been.
The moon poured forth like chilled red wine
To see us through our end.
My tears reflected beautifully
The pain I felt inside.
Looking at a shrinking violet,
How lucky just to hide.
You came through with this one, love
The roses there and all.
You were right and I was wrong
It hurts too bad to fall.
As I watched you walk away
I think I saw a ghost.
A younger boy with crazy words,
It’s him that I miss most.
I fear that you have lost that light
Sacrificed it just like me
How hard it is to live and learn
But never truly see.

The Club
A piano plays in a room of smoke
The mirrors reflect it all.
Ghosts who dance the night away
Spill out in the hall.
The music’s clear, the voices loud
And why not let them go?
They’ve all been through something more
Then you and I can know.
It’s not so bad to take a peak
At what was once the thing.
Flappers, cowboys, jazz galore
And opera in the wing.
This crazy place, it keeps them all
From the confines of their graves.
All of them have come to see
That Jesus does not save.
So all the fun they feared to have
When life was still within
They indulge in now both night and day
In this place that knows no sin.
As I turn to leave I wish them well
Though my face they cannot see.
Hoping when my own day’s up
I’ll join the revelry.
I can’t believe you’re standing here
After all the years gone by.
My voice won’t come, my throat’s closed up
On tears I cannot cry.
You look as lonely as you ever did
While telling me I’m right.
When I used to say you’d never love
If you smothered so your light.
You say softly that you looked around
For one to take my place.
But you ended up alone at last
With memories of my face.
You act shocked that I’m not thrilled with this
In fact it breaks my heart.
To know you searched for what you had,
The love you tore apart.
Now we’re left with what once was
And what can never be.
Love has made a mess of us
And made a fool of me.

A lonely tear slides down my cheek
As I think of me and you.
A thousand years it seems has passed
But this ache is just like new.
I’ve tried the bottle so many times
It knows me by my name.
And I’ve gone back to town to see the past
But nothing is the same.
My age of reason left me, dear
Quite some decades back.
All the color in my life
Faded into black.
Yet nothing can bring you home to me,
I realized that tonight.
So with Janis and a shot of Jack
I’m giving up this fight.
May the ghost of you and days gone by
Go back to the grave.
God knows with all that I’ve been through,
There’s nothing here to save.

The Old Soul
Above a cliff of sand and hopes
I stand to say my piece.
From haunting dreams and melodies
I ask for my release.
Tunes I’ve never heard before,
Words I’ve never said,
They keep me up while I’m asleep
They plague my weary head.
Images, places, things
Foreign yet remembered
They leave me asking how it is
That bizarre my life is rendered.
Like ghosts these things have followed me.
Are they the lives of old?
What else is my soul hiding deep,
What stories are untold?
I need sleep, some rest, a break
And if they do not come
I’m better off to jump right now
Before the rising sun.

I would love to take a trip
Inside your crazy mind.
Take some wine and give a day
To see what I might find.
I want to know for sure, dear one
If you think the way you say
Or if it’s all just smoke and mirrors
So you can go your way.
After all, you madness claimed
Is how you’ve gotten through
The things you’ve done and claimed to do
Is what draws us all to you.
So why not let me deep within
I swear that I won’t tell
If it’s all a sham and you are sane
It may be just as well.

I remember being asked one time
When we were young and brave
How it felt to live a dying cause
Knowing we could never save.
I laughed back then, I couldn’t see
The dream was dying quick
Sleeping beauty woke up with a start
When Jack kicked the candle stick.
The fairytale, it perished fast
Burned to grains of sand.
Where once we thought we’d have it all
There was nothing in our hand.
I left because I couldn’t stay
My eyes had see their fill
Of disenchanted hearts and minds
Demanding their free will.
And had we claimed the world, my love
What would we have done?
Forced everyone to sing and dance
Beneath a summer sun?
Yet now that it has come to pass
I fear that I miss so
The scent of flowers, ocean wind
The things that made me go.
Most of all I miss your words
The things you used to say.
So poetic, proud, and true
For them I’d give the day.
But times have changed and you’re a ghost
Though your heart still beats.
I can never join you now
Upon those dusty streets.

I watched you through the windowpane
With the girl who broke your heart.
You never thought I’d see you there
And tear our dreams apart.
Yet I did and I’ve spent my days
In a room of silk and lace.
Painting with a colored rage
Your ageless crazy grace.
I’m not sorry that I walked away
Yet sure there is regret.
What else was one like me to do?
I’ll forgive but not forget.
So I took the arts of pain and love
With them I built my life.
There’s nothing else that I could do
With you, a sharpened knife.
The wounds you caused me, sure they bleed
But they strengthen words I write.
I never needed marriage, love
I only crave the fight.

I need you just like yesterday.
Much too soon you slipped away.
And you never gave a second thought
To all the pain your leaving brought.
So selfishly you just let go
As all the flowers began to grow.
They wilted like the love we shared.
How dare you say you always cared!
Anyway, it matters not
Because our affection you soon forgot.
You left me crying in the night
Like a coward you gave up the fight.
I might forgive but I can’t get passed
Seeing this could never last.
God of rock and words insane,
Did you enjoy your gentle rain?
When it came the way you wished
Did you hold up a shaking fist?
I doubt it but that gets me through
When I try to live here without you.

Missing Him
I’ve thought of you all night and day,
I’ve thought of breaking down.
Of writing you to say my truth
The one that I just found.
Moving on is an uphill fight
And I’ve lost with every step.
Just last night I heard a song
And I swear to you I wept.
Being here has made things worse
In every room there lays
The moments that I miss so much
The thoughts of crazy days.
But you’ve moved on with what’s-her-name
And how can I compete?
She doesn’t have the dreams I do
That insured our hard defeat.
So after I left you alone
Why try to talk again?
Still, it’s hard to see my life without
My insane loving friend.
I guess I’ll drink another shot
And shed another tear.
I can’t go back and there’s no sense
In wishing you were here.
I’m consumed by what I’ll never know,
The things I might recall.
Sometimes I think I’ve solved this clue
Then I watch the card house fall.
A drink, a breeze, a crashing wave
A song I know you claimed;
Sometimes they bring a flash to me
Of a past that’s been defamed.
Was it really as I hope it was?
The village and the beach?
Or is it best I’m here tonight
With the memories out of reach?
I wonder where the wind carried you
All those years ago.
I had to pass by heaven, hell
To have the life I know.
Still I dream, a tragedy
So beautiful and true.
Of how our life had been back then
My crazy days with you.

You ask me why I’m here tonight
So many months have passed.
I’ve had nights on end to think this through
Since the time that we spoke last.
This evening I saw a woman by herself
Weeping for a man.
That she let go some thirty years,
Imagine if you can.
An epiphany hit me like they do
And I began to weep
I rushed right over to where you dwell,
I knew I’d never sleep.
Right now it doesn’t bother me
That she dreams within.
Even if you lock tight your door
I’ll find peace with what has been.
Just be patient, wait right here
I need to get this straight.
Dawn is overcoming night
I hadn’t realized it was late.
Anyway, I loved you then
God help, I still do.
That’s why I never said goodbye
I don’t want this without you.
You can go inside and pack your bag
I’ll take you away.
Or you can finally say it’ll never be
And return with her to stay.
It was foolish of you, the things you’ve done
But I can now forgive.
I want to pick this all back up,
The life we’re meant to live.


  1. Keair, I think one of the things that come across more so in poetry is the pain of the author. Like blues, that from reading Castles Made of Sand I feel you enjoy, emotions are raw and exposed for everyone to see. As I read your poems I was definately struck by the nakedness of you thoughts. The pain and hurt that you feel is in your words. I especialy liked the "Untitled" one that began, "I would like to take a trip, inside your crazy mind." I thought of you trying to find some type of closure or at least find some sense of reason for the hurt that was inflicted on you. I have at times been caught up in poetry, and what I liked about yours and others that I enjoyed are the exposure of your soul. I kept looking at the various lines and read them several times each. I will read each of them many more times and will give you more opinion later. I feel that this is therapy for you as it is for most writers. Keep writing and I will keep reading. John.

  2. Yes, I LOVE the blues. :) And thanks so much! You hit the nail on the head with many of the poems I wrote around that time. Now, the ones I wrote when I went through my "widow" phase were not autobiographical. I thought I had lost a love at that time but he wasn't dead...he was just being an ass. haha But many of them came from a place of heartbreak and as I find myself working out the same stuff with the same man 5 1/2 years later, I think they've been even more therapeutic to revisit than they were to write out. I am glad that you enjoy them, I happy that my emotions came through in them, and I thank you very much for your feedback. :)